Thursday, December 19, 2013

Farewell Aunt Alice, at 106

         Alice (fourth from left), in show as a young woman,  and below with brother Ben, about 1952.

The year 1907 sounds so distant. But it grew even more so today as we buried my Aunt Alice, who died this week at the age of 106-plus. 

Alice Ettlin Krupsaw was born on Feb. 28, 1907. Her parents Louis and Ida Ettlin were Jewish immigrants from the Russian Ukraine who largely achieved the American dream, although they never became American citizens. Ida, my grandmother,  mostly spoke and only read in Yiddish.

Louis Ettlin  was a tailor, working in department stores and for a time his own Baltimore shop at the southeast corner of Calvert Street and North Avenue. Several relatives from the old country also had tailoring businesses around the city.

In a memoir included in a book of her poems, paintings and family photographs, published for Alice's centennial birthday, she recalled early childhood years on Eagle Street, "Little Israel," in the city's southwestern corner and on Monroe Street a few miles to the north -- a house more modern, since it had electricity.

"And what a great time my brother Ben and I had running into every room, pushing buttons just to see the lights go on," she wrote.

A house with electricity, papa's "Tin Lizzy" car with a crank-operated starter, an ice box refrigerator that needed a 10-cent block of ice to keep stuff cold. It was another world back then.

Yet she lived to see man set foot on the moon, and marveled as recently as three weeks ago at how a great-nephew could take her picture with his SmartPhone and immediately show her the image on its screen display. She marveled at videos of herself singing that appeared as if by magic on my laptop computer, and was delighted -- even if she could not fathom how it was possible -- that thousands of people across the planet had also seen her, on YouTube.

Alice attended high school and Strayer's secretarial school, and was about 22 when she married Louis Krupsaw, a cook and former Marine who later was to serve in the U.S. Army. They operated a delicatessen for a short time in Baltimore, but no one can remember when or exactly where. I heard once that it was on Gay Street. The only evidence is the rudimentary start of a novel Alice tried to write in pencil -- on brown butcher paper.

Judging by the dates on photos, Alice and Lou moved to Washington about 1950. He became a route delivery man for the old Washington Daily News, and Alice began a series of jobs with federal government agencies -- the mint, the printing office and Walter Reed Army Hospital. She enjoyed telling about the time she delivered a set of President Dwight Eisenhower's X-rays to a White House official, and of meeting First Lady Mamie Eisenhower.

Lou died in 1955, and was buried in Arlington National Cemetery. He was just 56 years old, and they'd had no children.  He left her with memories of their numerous trips, to Florida, out west, and to Havana, Cuba. Pictures, most of them faded from the passage of years, show her in the various locales, including riding horseback with Lou. And there's souvenir photos from fancy restaurants, like Club Cairo in Northwest Washington, where they celebrated a few of her birthdays in the late 1940s.

Alice never remarried. And eventually she took a lesser clerical position in the Baltimore suburbs at the Social Security Administration headquarters -- close to the home of her parents, so she could better help them in their declining years. She retired in 1975, and might have become the oldest living retiree of the SSA. (The agency professed last year, as we planned for Alice's 105th birthday, not to have such records.)

In 1977, she took painting classes at the Waxter Senior Center in downtown Baltimore, and began turning out works on canvas that one might classify as primitive art -- my favorite was a painting depicting two young children pulling a sled down a snowy country lane toward a farmhouse. They were some of the children she never had.

Alice made most of her own clothes. Her baby brother Sam, now 94, recalls asking if she could make covers for his golf clubs. She knitted them -- sort of like sock puppets, each with a whimsical head. Then she thought about making smaller ones, as finger puppets about 3 to 4 inches long, perfect for children to play with. And in the ensuing years she made countless hundreds of them, each taking about an hour and a half to create. She donated them to hospitals, schools and children's homes around the country and in Israel -- and more golf club covers for charity sales.

She kept the thank-you letters and notes from the various recipients, and the letter from Jerusalem informing her that she had been named an honorary member of the Diskin Orphan Home of Israel. But my favorite from her scrapbooks is dated Dec. 13, 1991, from a boy named Adam:

"Dear Alice," he wrote. "Thank you for the finger puppet. I might make a puppet show. I named it Freddy. It is a he. I have a gerbil named Freddy. My cat knocked it over."

She filled her apartment with dolls, human and otherwise, and dressed them in clothes she made. They were also her children, and she created an elaborate Jewish wedding scene for some of them. 

Alice wrote scores of poems. She wrote them by hand, and then typed them, over and over, for more than 30 years. Some of them are pretty good -- so good, I worried she copied them from somewhere. Google searches never turned up a trace, however.  

She had two reference books tucked in a worn-out satchel of her writing -- an old dictionary, in which Alice had written words with their definitions and synonyms inside the front and back covers, and a Gideon bible with a stamp suggesting she obtained it in some manner from the Walter Reed hospital. I joked with the cantor preparing for Alice's funeral that I was sure she read only the Old Testament part.

Ten years ago, Alice lost a leg to a blood clot. She had to move permanently into a nursing home,  Milford Manor -- abruptly giving up her apartment and the battered car that appeared from its many dings she had parked mostly by Braille.

For years, Alice had performed as a singer and dancer -- there's a picture of her, above, in a troupe of entertainers for some program lost in the mists of time. But in her later decades, she appeared with seniors entertainment troupes that played mostly to audiences in senior centers and nursing homes. She'd often say she never imagined herself as being part of the audience, in a wheelchair.

Ten years in a nursing home is, frankly, unimaginable. She found herself surrounded by aging, helpless people who mostly were unable to communicate or deep into dementia, but gradually she adapted and tried to make the most of her situation. Her poetry began appearing in monthly editions of the Milford Manor news bulletin. She enjoyed bingo, and slipping the nickels and dimes she won to her great-great-nephew Jadon Axe for his college fund. She won a lot of nickels and dimes, but not that many!

Alice had a mantra that she would chant to visitors and nursing home aides, about how they should make every effort to fulfill their dreams, while they had healthy minds and bodies. "Do it now," she would implore them. "Do it now."

She would on occasion sing, as best she could, her favorite song: "Enjoy Yourself (It's Later than You Think)" -- and on  her 101st birthday, my wife Bonnie Schupp got that on video. She put it on YouTube, and the number of viewers slowly grew. It was at nearly 2,000 when CNN broadcast journalist Josh Levs included an excerpt in his Saturday afternoon feature on viral videos.

As of today, it has had more than 10,100 views -- and you can add to that count with this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5TBwJF0v1g

Alice on many occasions would marvel at having lived so long. One of her regular visitors was my brother Larry, who died in 2009 at the age of 70. "Poor Larry," she would say, and had a hard time understanding the whys of death for those much younger than herself. 

"Who wants to live like this?" she'd say as the years of dependence in the nursing home mounted. "But what's the alternative? I don't want to die."

On good days, Alice would wish to live another 50 years so she could witness the technological marvels to come. On bad days, she had trouble remembering names. She was convinced someone stole her battered old hearing aid. It was an obsession.

She had friends among the employees and volunteers who did their best to make life at Milford Manor bearable, and one close friend among the residents at the other end of a long hall, Ethel Vanger. At a surprise party for Alice's 104th birthday -- she had to be cajoled out of her room after a small family gathering -- Ethel read a touching testimonial speech she had written for the occasion.

How quickly life turns. At Alice's 105th birthday, Ethel was wheeled into the room but stayed for just a few minutes. She wanted to be at the bingo game. She seemed confused. Just days later, Ethel died. 

Alice's baby brother flew to Baltimore from Florida yesterday. The only surviving sibling -- their brother Ben Ettlin, my father, having died in 1989 -- Sam has lost others he loved over the years, including a daughter and two wives to cancer. He told me a year ago his reason for living was now to be there for Alice, to bury her before he goes. But since then, he moved from a condo to a seniors apartment community near Fort Lauderdale, and has a new girlfriend, so to speak. He's thinking of giving up his car, but apparently not giving up on life.

Accompanying Sam were his son Dennis, a lawyer in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, and daughter-in-law Patty; and there were nephew Larry's widow Natalie, who has been Alice's most frequent visitor for a decade, and son Greg, the only one of her three children living in Maryland; Bonnie and me; and three young women who were among the caring people on the staff at Milford Manor. 

And there was Cantor Thom King of Beth El Congregation, who did not know Alice -- save for our stories about her, and Bonnie's YouTube videos -- to officiate and sing the prayers.

There were the funeral home director, and several workers who had prepared the grave in a soggy, low-lying section of  the cemetery between brother Ben and his wife Rose, and parents Louis and Ida.

The lots had all been purchased decades ago, for $5 each. Three of Rose's brothers are there, and elsewhere on the site are other family members, including Rose's mother  Jennie Kaplan, who died of influenza in 1919.  There's also Jennie's husband David Kaplan, who died on Jan. 16, 1945, a year to the day before I was born and given his name.

Chairs covered with green cloth were set up on the narrow asphalt lane that rises through the midline of the cemetery. Bright sunshine eased the chill of morning temperatures warming toward the 40s. The narrow walkways and grass still wet from snowmelt and rain made the open lane the safest spot for Alice's brief service.

Cantor King pinned a black ribbon on Sam's jacket, then cut off a piece of the ribbon -- symbolic of the centuries-old ritual of mourners rending their clothing in despair. Alice's brother, he explained, was the only mourner obligated to observe the custom of prayers for the dead that will continue for him back in Florida.

After the service and a sharing of remembrances of Alice by several of us, the funeral director and cemetery workers began wheeling her wooden casket -- plain save for its raised Star of David -- down the path. I stepped over and placed my hand atop it, joined by my cousin Dennis, and we walked with it as pallbearers. 

As we stood by the stark grave, next to the excavated mound of wet earth and clay that enveloped the resting place of Ben and Rose, the workers lowered the casket.

Sam and the others walked down the path and lined up behind us. First the cantor, then each of us, took shovel in hand to drop in the first bits of earth.

 It is the last gift for the dead, and today for one who filled her life with meaning as best she could.

To read Alice's memoir and poems, and see more photos of her family and some of her paintings, you can view her centennial birthday book, "An Even One Hundred," through this YouTube link -- and using the "pause" button to stop each page: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1oKUo72vbg&feature=youtu.be

           The family seder, 1951, in a photo taken by Ben Ettlin, shows (clockwise, from bottom) Rose, their sons David and Larry Ettlin, Lou and Alice Krupsaw, Ida and Louis Ettlin, Sam's late daughter Cindy and first wife Miriam, and Sam and Dennis Ettlin.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Helen Bentley and friends celebrate her 90th



Not many parties end with back-to-back singing of “Happy Birthday” and “God Bless America", but those were the main sentiments Sunday afternoon for one of the Baltimore area’s most celebrated public figures – Helen Delich Bentley.
Helen Bentley (Photo by Bonnie Schupp)

And in a “roast” leading up to the songs, many of Maryland’s top politicians and business leaders gave voice to their love for (and yes, even fear of) the 90-year-old former newspaper reporter,  Federal Maritime Commission chairman and five-term congresswoman.

Hundreds of invited guests from all aspects of her life -- including relatives, extended family, even her dentist – heard testimony from the likes of congressional leaders and former governors on the influence Helen had both on them and the city and state. The turnout filled the main hall of the waterfront Baltimore Museum of Industry, which was decorated with photos showing scenes from her life, including her husband, antique dealer Bill Bentley, who died a decade ago.

Matter not that she is a Republican. No less a liberal Democrat than the Baltimore area’s  Elijah Cummings, among the most senior African Americans in congress, called her “my dear sister” who “helped me to dream bigger dreams.”

It was Helen, Cummings said, who first told him he was being named chairman of the House subcommittee on Coast Guard and Maritime Affairs and, more bluntly, to “take it.” This notwithstanding his tendency to get seasick “even on small boats” and that “I can’t swim.” A day later, Nancy Pelosi delivered the offer, with the admonition that  “I want you to keep it a secret,” he said.

Nothing affecting the Port of Baltimore could be kept secret from Helen Bentley, who began reporting on maritime affairs at The Baltimore Sun soon after her hiring in 1945 and held the title of maritime editor when newly-inaugurated President Richard Nixon changed the course of her life with an appointment to head the maritime commission in 1969.

I intersected with Helen during the last year and a half of her newspaper days, mostly as an editorial assistant  and young reporter taking dictation over the phone and through a static-faulted dictation recording device to which she radioed or phoned in some of her stories from distant assignments – interspersed with salty language when that primitive technology seemed to be uncooperative.  Legend has it that she could out-cuss the most-hardened longshoremen.

As a longtime denizen of the city desk, including nearly a quarter-century as a rewriteman and my final six years as night metro editor, I had the bad habit of answering phones on the first ring, and knew many of the regular callers simply by voice – Helen among them.

I rarely saw her, and that she even remembered who I was over the years was flattering. But she seemed to remember people of all sorts, among them The Sun’s longtime telephone operator, the late Betty Cramer who, after leaving the newspaper because of multiple sclerosis, received Christmas baskets every year, and other help, from the congresswoman.

The printed invitation to her party was headed by its honorary co-chairs, former Maryland Governors Marvin Mandel, a Democrat, and Robert L. Ehrlich Jr., a Republican who, before his lone four-year term in that job, had succeeded Helen in her House of Representatives seat. It was Ehrlich who prompted the renaming of what is now the Helen Delich Bentley Port of Baltimore, as part of its 300th anniversary celebration in 2006.

 Mandel, now 93, spoke briefly of Helen and some of the notable guests as “the people who made this the great state it is.”

“I thought this was a memorial service, and then I saw her,” joked Ehrlich, looking around at what he called “a room full of people who both love her and fear her.”  He also told of Helen’s influence on his life – and his dating habits. He said she disapproved of some of his girlfriends, but eventually found one she deemed right, and how he’d bring her over to visit with Helen on a date. It was an odd threesome, but Helen would put him to work moving heavy things around her house while she sat and talked to the young lawyer friend, Kendel, who would eventually become his wife and, during his term as governor, Maryland’s “first lady.”

The state’s senior U.S. senator, Barbara Mikulski, recalled a time early in her political career when Helen Bentley was pushing for the deepening  of Baltimore’s harbor to accommodate larger ships and disposing of the dredge spoil at tiny Hart and Miller Islands off Baltimore County. Mikulski, with concerns that included fear of possible toxic contaminants, was initially an opponent but said that Helen played a big role in changing her mind.

The project was eventually approved, including a share of federal money. The port channel was deepened, and the enlarged islands eventually became a popular recreation area for boaters.

Former U.S. Sen. Paul Sarbanes noted that Baltimore, in large measure because of Helen’s continued efforts, now is one of just two ports in the nation that can receive the super-size container ships that soon will be accommodated by a deepened and enlarged Panama Canal passageway.

House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer included Helen as among the four former Republican members of congress present who had identified themselves as members of the Maryland delegation – “not as Republican members of the Maryland delegation” – in a lament that “we’re at a time where we have real polarization, confrontation and gridlock in the Congress of the United States.”

Hoyer also alluded to Helen’s championship of American manufacturing, and how as a congresswoman (and no stranger to a sledgehammer) she staged public bashings of Japanese-made electronics and even an automobile outside the Capitol building. “I have here a letter from the Japanese ambassador that, because we have a mixed crowd here, I won’t read,” Hoyer joked. (There were children in the crowd.)

Democrat Dutch Ruppersberger said even in running against Helen for her old seat when it was vacated by Ehrlich, “we always agreed to fight it out fairly and squarely.”

“Helen and I had 11 debates. After it was over, we shook hands.... She is an adviser to me in the House.”

But it was Cummings, the black Democrat, whose remarks about Helen “as a mentor of mine” were the most emotional and, likely to some, unexpected.

At his request, Cummings said, Helen became a board member of the Baltimore Maritime Industries Academy Foundation, and for seven years has attended its monthly meetings and visited its public high school program that has introduced many teenagers – in particular, the congressman noted, African American children -- to maritime skills and the world of the port.

“The kids love her, and she loves them,” he said, finishing up his remarks by telling her, “I will go to my grave appreciating the impact you’ve had on my life.”

Helen had the last word. A little stooped from the effects of aging, and thus a few inches shorter than she used to be, Helen stood on a low, carpeted riser behind the podium and told about why she wanted to have the huge “birthday bash.”

As the daughter of Serbian immigrant parents and growing up in Ruth, Nevada, she could not recall having had a  birthday party. “You were given a kiss and a piece of cake.”

She added:  “I decided I wanted to see all of this while I was still above ground.”

The invitation specified no gifts, but listed her favorite causes for contributions, among them the museum, the state goodwill vessel Pride of Baltimore, the Maritime Industries Academy Foundation, animal-protection groups, the Bentley scholarship fund at the University of Baltimore, and the one we chose, Wounded Warriors.




Sunday, November 18, 2012

On mixing religion and medicine



Chaplain’s uninvited appearance
poses issue in hospital care

Does ministerial access violate privacy?



It is a few minutes before the scheduled 1 p.m. surgery, and I’m sitting in a private patient-prep room – hospital gown on, a warmed blanket over me from chest to knees, the IV line in my left arm secured by tape as I wait out the clock.

If there’s a time to be tense,  perhaps it is these last minutes when you wonder – is this the right decision... will the surgeon find something unexpected as he fiddles around inside the abdomen... will the anesthesiologist hiccup? Really, surgery is a crap-shoot. The odds are very good you’ll wake up afterward just fine, if groggy from the sleepy drugs and a little morphine, and go home three or four days later.

And that’s when the unexpected happens. It’s about five minutes before one when the man in a dark suit appears in the doorway, looks down at the folder of patient paperwork and then at me, inquiring: “Is your name David? David Ettlin?”

“Yes, I am,” I reply, wondering who might be this stranger whose immaculate suit set him apart from the scrub-attired medical team.

He introduced himself as the chaplain on duty. Politely, I hope, I told him, “No religion, please.” And he departed.

Friends who kept up with my Facebook posts know which hospital this is, but for now I’ll skip the name. Suffice to say it is an institution operating under the umbrella of the Roman Catholic Church – and which I chose largely because that’s where the excellent surgeon I wanted happens to practice, and I’ve heard good things about its quality of care. (A few years ago, before completion of its modern high-rise patient tower, a friend spent two weeks there and had excellent care, although that came after an agonizing three-hour wait to be seen in the emergency department as his appendix ruptured.)

My quibble is about the religion part of this – about which a new patient evidently has no advance knowledge – and I’m curious how others see it.

I sent a carefully-worded letter of concern to the hospital CEO and its senior vice president for operations which read, in part:

[This] is, of course, a hospital operated under the umbrella of a church, and religion has a desired place for many of its patients. But I would not expect an uninvited visit from a chaplain in a restricted medical area, or that he would have felt entitled to look for my name on the patient folder. If I had signed any paperwork that allowed for such an intrusion, I did not notice – for I would never have consented to it.

I have no doubt the chaplain meant well.  But perhaps the hospital needs a specific way for patients to knowingly request -- or refuse -- the presence of a chaplain in areas that are otherwise restricted except for patient-care staff and designated personal visitors, and particularly in such a place where a patient is at his or her most vulnerable.

Another chaplain stopped by my room a day or two later. I also told her, “No religion, please.” Her presence  was  unnecessary, of course, had the hospital noted patient preference. But at least it seemed a little less intrusive, given the place and time – a private patient room during a normal recovery after surgery. And it was less surprising in that context – my having experienced (and rebuffed) chaplain inquiries many years ago in a few stays at other hospitals.

Not being a legal scholar, I have no idea how such practices may fall under the federal HIPAA rules that over the past decade have changed procedures at every level of the health-care industry and wrought a burden of paperwork. I got dizzy trying to comprehend the HIPAA rules governing “incidental uses and disclosures,” but suspect the uninvited presence of a chaplain in a restricted treatment area could be problematic.

Two weeks later, I have received a reply – not from the hospital CEO or operational vice president, but from a nurse whose title is “risk manager” in its Office of Risk Management and Patient Safety. She offered an apology “if you feel we were not sensitive or respectful to your wishes not to utilize pastoral services, as I can assure you that was never our intent.”

But my concern was not about sensitivity – it was about privacy, and the expectation that anyone taking a role in patient care in a treatment area would be part of the medical staff: Doctors, nurses, technicians. The hospital sent a chaplain who, five minutes before surgery, appeared in the doorway and looked at my file.

Here’s what the hospital said on that subject:

The chaplains... are an integral part of the healing team and participate in multidisciplinary/interdisciplinary team meetings. This is done to enhance patient care and patient safety as we are a faith-based organization and believe that healing happens at all levels of mind, body and spirit. Our chaplains are assigned to patient care areas and visit all patients within that specified area regardless of religious practice.

As a patient at [the hospital], you and your family have the right to decline a chaplain’s visit. But as [hospital] employees, with a primary role of patient care, chaplains do have access to patient charts and patient information and do serve in all patient care areas of the hospital.

Under HIPAA,  your rights would have been violated if your patient information was shared with any [non-hospital employee] or person not involved with patient care. But again, the chaplains at [the hospital] are a part of the patient care team so no HIPAA violation occurred.”

Well, I wasn’t going to make a complaint to the government about this – just to the hospital to raise the question and suggest it might be better to ask the patient in advance about authorizing chaplain access. The hospital said in the reply that patient and family have “the right to decline a chaplain’s visit,” but that “right” was not offered before the chaplain showed up – and in my opinion the chaplain service should not have had access to my patient information without my explicit approval.

That said, I add that the hospital otherwise far exceeded my expectations in its quality of care – except, of course, in the food. There is nothing to recommend in the liquid diets, and the eventual upgrade to real food was less than inspiring.

But from the most senior nurse to the community college student delivering the food tray, everyone had a patient-focused upbeat attitude and friendly smile. That, better than prayer, facilitates healing.


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

On buying a presidency




Ten bucks at a time,
my political donations
prove well-spent

I donated $58 to the Barack Obama campaign.


In return, I received three bumper stickers, a VoteObama car magnet, and a barrage of email messages thanking me for my support – and asking for more.

I also got this: The re-election of a president who largely shares my values and will, I believe, make the United States and the world outside it a better place.

I have never met Barack Obama, or even seen him in the flesh – and don’t expect to.

 But I got more bang for the buck than any of the millionaires and billionaires who pumped far more money into the campaign of Mitt Romney – although their financial backing of some conservative causes on local ballots around the nation may not have been so futile.

Money can buy an election, no doubt. That’s why, a few dollars at a time, I joined millions of other small donors backing Obama. The suggested minimum donation in most of the emailed appeals was $13 – although many had click-on options starting at $10. And by “saving your payment information,” the process would be a lot quicker – and, trusting soul, I let the campaign site have my credit card number.

Not that rich folks weren’t backing Democrats. I’d love to know the statistical breakdown in the money behind the two campaigns, through both reportable direct donations and the hidden money funneled through Super PAC organizations.

My $58 was a droplet in the hurricane of cash that blew well beyond a billion bucks in the cost of the 2012  presidential election.

The emails asking for money landed almost daily in my in-box, the senders varying – campaign officials Jim Messina,  Yohannes Abraham, Jen O’Malley Dillon, Rufus Gifford. Sometimes it would be Joe Biden (my favorite email subject line was his one-word “Malarkey”), Michelle Obama, or Barack himself.

At 12:45 this morning, 10 minutes before Romney’s concession speech and about 45 minutes before Obama’s victory speech, I received my last email from the President:

David --

I'm about to go speak to the crowd here in Chicago, but I wanted to thank you first.

I want you to know that this wasn't fate, and it wasn't an accident. You made this happen.

You organized yourselves block by block. You took ownership of this campaign five and ten dollars at a time. And when it wasn't easy, you pressed forward.

I will spend the rest of my presidency honoring your support, and doing what I can to finish what we started.

But I want you to take real pride, as I do, in how we got the chance in the first place.

Today is the clearest proof yet that, against the odds, ordinary Americans can overcome powerful interests.

There's a lot more work to do.

But for right now: Thank you.

Barack




Obama probably didn’t write that message. But I like to think that’s what he would have said – and I hope he keeps the promise, and keeps in touch.